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And then they got in their spaceships and flew back home :: DawnVivant.com
Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

And then they got in their spaceships and flew back home


Well, I wanted to make a mix tape yesterday, but apparently both Muxtape and Mixwit are no longer with us.  SO until I find something suitable to replace those with, I will share with you a story about my haircut the other day. 

Usually I get the same guy to cut my hair every time because he knows me personally (we went to high school together) and even if I don't know exactly what I want, he usually figures out something cool for me.  Besides, he was the first one to touch my hair after I put a relaxer in it and fucked it up big time, so I am forever in his debt.

Problem is, he's off on Mondays, and I was on the other side of town picking some things up anyway.  So I stopped at a new place.  There are two hair places in the same shopping center, but I decided to pick the one that was like...20 cars closer to Starbucks, because that's where I was planning on going afterward.

So the thing about this place is...I think it must be an alien landing place.  Like, the place where aliens land to get their ceremonial Earthling haircut before officially joining the world to do whatever it is aliens do on Earth?  The stylists...they're aliens themselves who've decided to be the go-between, helping their people with the transition, even though they don't quite know what's going on themselves.  At least, that's the only explanation I can come up with after this visit.

Clue #1.  The stylists had the thickest Cajun accents ever.
Imagine these old peoples' voices, but with college-aged girls (you might have to skip near the middle/end):

 

Thick Cajun accents on old people?  Almost kind of cute.  Makes them seem all old and innocent.  Cajun accents on young people?  Totally gross.

Clue #2.  Conversation between the three stylists:

#1:  So, I started drinking coffee
#2:  What?  You drink coffee all the time.
#1:  No, I mean hot coffee.  I drank some at my uncle's house one day, and then again at my mom's friends'.  It got rid of my headache.
#3:  Doesn't that wake you up?
#1:  I don't know
#3:  Hmm, I think it does...?

Clue #3.  A client walks in for #1.  He just wants to look like an "average", "generic" man:

#3: So, what will it be?
Alien Client:  Just a regular generic human [okay, he didn't say human here, but the rest of the sentence is verbatim] man's haircut.
#3: Hmm.  Which blade?
Alien Client: Which one is the smallest?
#3: one
Alien Client: Oh...what is that one right there?  Like a two or three?
#3: That's a 3.
Alien Client:  Okay.  Is that pretty average, then?

Dude.  Guys, once you hit your mid to late 20s you should probably have the numbers of the blades memorized right?  It's not like a girl's cut where you have to be all like "inverted bob with a side swept fringe." 

Clue #4.  They became aware that I wasn't one of them, and began using special alien code words like "huggies" when not talking about diapers.

#3:  I want to have a Saints wedding.  I was thinking of putting a fleur-de-lis on the train, like in beading or rhinestones or something.  But I don't want it like colored in.
#1:  Ohh!  That's a good idea.  But if the train is beaded, how are you going to do that?  If you use the same beads it's going to blend in and you can't see it [I really think #1 was just completely clueless about everything and didn't know what the hell was going on around her at any time]
#3:  And my grandma makes these candles.  I wonder if she could put the fleur-de-lis on them.  And for the gifts I was thinking huggies for the boys and magnets for the girls
#1:  No way, I'd want a huggy!  You know what you could do?  Put your name and his above the fleur-de-lis, and the date on the bottom or something.  I don't know, just an idea.
#1:  What's it called?  Favors?
#2:  Yeah, wedding favors.
#1:  *as she writes* fayyy.  vurs.

Clue #4.  After it was over they gave me a coupon to give to friends and family.  The funny thing was (and I wish I had a picture of this) is the price on the coupon is the same price that they already charge.  My guess is that because I'm an Earthling, they don't really want me or my friends or family hanging around much at all.  Who do they think they're fooling?

 


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